Rambling.

I wasn't sure if I'd write again.

I've wanted to, I just wasn't sure what to say.
I guess I've just felt super alone lately.
No one really truly understands.
I don't even understand.
I feel crazy because I've experienced supernatural occurrences.
I don't care if you believe me or not.

I don't have it that bad.
I'm lucky.
I think about my mom 85% of the time.
She's almost always on my mind.
I feel bad because I don't really talk to anyone.
The only people that seem to understand are my peers in my support group.
But even still, they feel bad for me.
"You're so young. You shouldn't be having to go through this."
I'll come to my own pity party as long as there's alcohol.

I love my dad.
I've gained a new appreciation for him and all parents.
Death will do that to you.

Death.
We all live and die.
"Live it to the fullest."
I can't stand hearing about people that die of cancer when they're known to be a healthy and active person.
We're all gonna die of cancer soooo why are we trying to eat healthy?

I have a more morbid outlook on life.
Most things that you complain about are petty.
Things that I complain about are petty.

Life is used to cover up mourning, grief, and death.
Working helps me a lot.
I lost my flame and i've finally found it again.
I can thank my work family for that.
If I didn't have to go first for my gourmet meal, I would've not been to school for a while-most likely.
They say that keeping yourself busy is the best way to cope with the pain.
I think it's just a way to numb yourself.
I don't feel things the way I used to.

The only dreams I've had for months are bad ones.

Dream:
I woke up yesterday, washed the dishes, and then went back to sleep. I had a dream that someone had come into my house uninvited and came walking into my room. Not in a disruptive way. They came through the back door. They were a shadow. It could've been my mom. It could've been a man. It could've been real. And then I woke up. It didn't feel like a deep and real dream. It felt like a day dream. They almost looked like a better formed dementor like from Harry Potter. When I woke up, my heart started beating out of my chest. My heart gained 5 pounds and I had to calm it down.

Things happen and you really have no one to tell. People will start to stop caring.

Life is rough. And you have to make the best of it on your own. And that's life.